Roger Federer, Rolex and Cryogenic Freezing

by James A. Crabtree

Seriously what is his secret? Still, at this mature vintage Roger Federer still makes a victim of mostly everyone. It beggars belief.

But how has this happened? Every year we hear the commentator’s prophesise how the game has changed, how the players hit harder with more spin and are better athlete’s etcetera etcetera etcetera.

Years ago I remember a commentator at Wimbledon during an Agassi match state that the single backhand is all but dead. That heavy topspin employed with extreme Sergi Brugera type grips is the only way the modern game can be played. ‘Change with the times or be left behind’ he said.

But, Federer’s game is arguably the most classic on tour. A time warp dominating the new generation. Aside from the dodgy shorts he would be required to wear in previous generations Federer would not look out of place in the sixties, seventies or eighties.

So what is the secret to his classic game? Has time been frozen?

It is easy to imagine. Federer is sponsored by Rolex, who make very, very nice watches. Now, what if the Rolex watch was actually able to do more than just tell you the time. What if those who made the watches were able to freeze time? Imagine if every time Federer looked to be missing a beat the watch maker, a little man with a German accent, tartan waistcoat and monocle on his eye, simply wound the watch up to speed.

(Insert German accent here) “Now vee are up to Speed. Wunderbar.”

Before you know it Federer is playing like it is 2004. But hang on, its 2012. Federer is still number one.

It must be far more complicated than that…

No, not as complicated as quantum leaping because Doctor Sam Beckett couldn’t play tennis. And nothing to do with Marty McFly either. Considering the amount Federer has travelled it could be something to do with the fountain of youth but Federer, although youthful for the amount of time he has spent in the sun, has aged a little.

Apart from a few minor back niggles Federer has remained more injury free than any sports man in recent memory…

Is Roger Federer cryogenically refrigerated at night? His muscles and mind maintained or enhanced by the process of freezing at extremely low temperatures. It is not too hard to picture good ol’ Mirka in a lab coat and surgeons mask, turning down the temperature then closing the door nightly on Roger.

“Night night Roger, love you,” she would say.

“Night night Mirks, love you too.” He would respond. Before you know it a whiff of dry ice would fill the room and Federer would be sleeping soundly in one of the pods from the Alien movie.

In the morning he would wake, bright and as spritely as ten years ago.